Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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