Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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