Can i not drive my cunt home
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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