I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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