did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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