idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
