Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
