So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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