I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
