I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
