found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
