I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I deserve this hangover.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
