I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
