i just had sex bonerless
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
