I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
