Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
