what day is it and did you see me today?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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