addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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