I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We got so high we made milksteak
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize