I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
