hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
