So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
