I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
