Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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