Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
