I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
