Umm I'm too high to move.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
