I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
