Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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