people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
this boner is exhausting
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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