...so i touched it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
