She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
