i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
