Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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