he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
