just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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