So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
