THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
