i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
