I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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