is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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