I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
