who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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