my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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