I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
