I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
