did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize