I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
