I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
