$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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