if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
