8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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