my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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