Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
