I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
