the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
