we made out on top of his cat.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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