My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
