They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
