Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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