Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
