Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize