I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
