This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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