Non-Jews are for practice
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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